WHEN ATTILA WORE TROUSERS TO SCHOOL

© Randal W. O’Rourke

He didn’t have a thing to wear,

Attila was in a quandary.

He found one legging under the bed

The other was in the laundry.

He daren’t be late for school again.

Attila began to panic.

(The ensuing scene could have been produced

By the late, great Darryl Zanuck.)

Elbows were visible, as were bums,

A blitzkrieg of questing legions,

To locate appropriate camouflage

For Attila’s nether regions.

Attila’s sister now joined the search,

As well his badger,”Fenton”,

And Aunt Simone on his father’s side,

(The one nobody mentions.)

But, Mom would finally save the day,

Assembling the needed props

She stitched away with leather and bone,

(Her “Singer” was in the shop.)

With a little ingenuity,

And one set of fingers…..nimble.

His modesty had been preserved,

Thank Ødin for the thimble.

So off to school Attila scampered,

His cranium packed with knowledge.

His rump packed in velvet pantaloons

Like his mother wore in college.

But, blocking the door his teacher scowled,

Attila began to perspire.

“You can’t come in and learn”, she muttered,

“Without the proper attire.”

The poor boy pleaded to no avail

Her decision to rearrange.

She shook her head and said, “Sorry Hun,

You’ll have to go home and change.

He changed alright, his career that is,

And began to rape and pillage.

He got revenge on his teacher, too,

When he marched in and burned the village.

Challenging elders all of his life

He vowed not to be demure.

The moral of this story must be,

“Don’t mess with a Hun in velour.”